The Blog of Tom

Stumbled across this great website featuring free noir comics. Check out Christopher Mills’ Supernatural Crime.

Despite promising myself that I wouldn’t use this blog to write about Star Wars and other nerd nonsense, a couple of things passed my way which require a comment. Firstly, a link to Darth Vader’s Blog, which runs right up until the conclusion of Return of The Jedi. I was slightly surprised at how earnestly the author deals with the subject matter, but I guess that’s Star Wars fans for you.

This, combined with the news that there is to be 100 episodes of Star Wars TV reminded me of an unpublished article I wrote years ago about the possibility of a sitcom called “At Home with The Vaders”. This was before episodes 1-3, of course, but I think the basic premise was still sound. Rather than the booming tones of James Earl Jones, Vader would have the family friendly patter of sitcom king Bill Cosby and he, Leia and Luke would live in a well-appointed townhouse in the suburbs of Tatooine. Eschewing the black armour that strikes terror into the hearts of Imperial lackeys, Vader would wear a nice pringle sweater and tan loafers and shout at his kids to keep the noise down so he can listen to jazz records and eat hoagies.

If you’re reading, George, it’s still not too late…

The new issue of Market Movies, the free review of cheap DVDs is now available in PDF format (Adobe Acrobat Reader required).

Films reviewed in this issue:
Chopper/Eye of the Beholder/Taxi/Hurly Burly, The Superman Collection, Tape, His Girl Friday, Meet John Doe, Star Trek: First Contact, Modern Warriors, Comic Book Confidential.

With the 50 quid or so profit I made from the sale of my Xbox, I was wondering what I should spend the money on. Digital camera? MP3 player? Maybe even some trousers that don’t have tomato stains on them? All good ideas, but not really that appealing.

Ebay is a great way to waste money on things you don’t particularly want, so I had a browse through there. And guess what I saw?

A full size Green Lantern costume, made to order by a guy in China. Man, I could really use something like that! I’ve got a couple of job interviews coming up - imagine the impression I’d make wearing that badboy! Any potential employer would leap at the chance to have a member of the Green Lantern Corps on the payroll. What’s more, I could wear the costume under my street clothes and leap into action whenever needed.

Sadly, common sense prevailed and I settled for a GL t-shirt for six quid. For those with more chutzpah, you can see the eBay listing here.

I just sold my Xbox console. I’m hoping this means I can have something resembling a real life again. If not that, then hopefully I’ll be a bit more productive and spend hours staring at a computer screen full of great stories, as opposed to a screen full of things blowing up.

I got the Xbox for christmas and spent the best part of five months playing games with the diligence I should have shown towards my writing. Even though I only got a fraction of what the machine was worth, I suddenly feel a lot more free. Strange how leisure can become an obligation.

Anyway, for some unknown reason, I feel compelled to post details of all the games I played and what I thought of them. This is pretty boring and more than a little geeky, but I need closure.

(more…)

I have too much Star Wars paraphernalia. That much is obvious. For a 28 year old man to have an AT-AT walker in his bedroom is clearly a sign that something is wrong. But it’s not all my fault. A lot of the various Lucas-endorsed merchandise was given to me by well-meaning relatives who had absolutely no idea what to get me for Christmas. As I’m “too old” for toys, that means I generally get books related to the subject, meaning that my Star Wars library is far more extensive than I would like.

The thing about all these Star Wars books is that they throw up some really weird things. The last Star Wars book I got (and the one that forced me to declare a polite moratorium on any more Lucas Literature) was The Art of Star Wars Galaxy Volume 2. Now, given that I don’t own Volume 1, and that the strapline of the book reads “Based on the best-selling Topps trading card series!”, you might think that my well-meaning family had really reached the bottom of the barrel. I certainly thought so, which is why it took such a long time for me to even look inside the book.

I wasn’t missing much. Fantasy/sci-fi art is generally pretty dreadful and when was the last time you saw one of those trading cards and thought: “Mmm, I’d love to have a bigger print of that air-brushed portrait of a tusken raider” ? (I’m guessing never, but maybe that’s your thing.) Anyway, it was only when I got to page 90 when I noticed something really, really weird.

Now, what’s weird about this particular picture isn’t so much the art itself, but the message intended by the artist.

“Since I was in the military, I wanted to present these guys as soldiers,” explains illustrator Mike Mayhew. “I wanted just a taste of their humanity on display, a suggestion of real emotion as one of them begins to lose his helmet in a battle…”

Am I the only one who finds this strange? Why the hell are we suddenly getting all empathetic with the ruthless drones of the empire?

But perhaps he’s making some sort of pacifistic plea. Given the Stormtrooper’s infamous crapness in battle (bashing heads on doors, inability to shoot slow-moving droids mincing through corridors, being overpowered by little furry muppets brandishing twigs, the list goes on), perhaps Mr Mayhew is making a wider comment about the effectiveness of US foreign policy. Either way, the comparison doesn’t flatter any one.

As there is another blog called “Weapons of Mass Distraction”, I felt compelled to come up with another title for this fool’s errand I’m pursuing. It proved to be surprisingly difficult, as anything remotely creative I thought up had already been taken. Therefore, I’ve gone for the simplest name I could come up with - The Blog of Tom.

I never really liked “WMD” anyway. It seemed too politically slanted for what is essentially a collection of random crap that flows through my fingers. (There’s a pleasant image for you.) Apparently, there’s also a 1997 TV movie called “Weapons of Mass Distraction”, starring Gabriel Byrne and Ben Kingsley. Just goes to show that nothing’s that original.

I just got a copy of Brewer’s Rogues, Villains & Eccentrics: An A-Z of Roguish Britons Through the Ages, which I had given to my brother-in-law last Christmas and then wished I’d kept for myself. As the title suggests, it’s a directory of all sorts of weird and wonderful characters and makes an ideal book to dip into. Taking a page at random:

Elton, Gladys (1881-1970), pensioner. In September 1960 a male inmate died of a cardiac arrest and five more were treated for shock after 81-year-old Gladys Elton performed a striptease dance at the Haslemere Home for the Elderley in Great Yarmouth. The following year there were three more deaths after one of the patients, 87-year-old Harry Meadows, dressed up as the Grim Reaper and peered through the window at the other residents brandishing a scythe. This second incident caused the Haslemere to be closed down.

What I love about this book is that it feels like a proper reference work, rather than a cobbled-together collection of weirdos. With proper cross-referencing in place, it makes it possible to research themes and ideas for other stories. Categories like: penis, unusual feats achieved with a, lavatories used tactically in the course of robberies, thefts, etc. and ears, nailing to floor mean that Brewer’s Rogues is now sitting on my bookshelf as a legitimate work of reference. I may, however, have to get another copy to keep in the the toilet.

(You can get this book from Amazon.co.uk - check the new and used section to get a copy for as little as £1.99)

My very good friend Brian McGee produced this portrait of me, using his “low-res cubist” technique. Weird, but I kind of like it. His working technique is pretty interesting. He takes several images using a mobile phone camera, transfers them to a computer and then stitches them together using 3D software. He doesn’t have a website at the moment, much to my annoyance, but I’ll post any details of further works here on the blog.

Following on from my earlier post about the demolition of my primary school, my sister passed on an article from the local paper about the ‘roots’ of Prior Weston primary school.

From ‘Islington Tribune’, September 2, 2005

‘Plague’ bodies dig at school

Bodies may soon be removed from a ‘Plague pit’ under a Finsbury primary school and nursery, writes Mark Blunden.
Eleven trial pits have already been dug at Prior Weston Primary and Fortune Park Early Years Centre in Whitecross Street, but no human remains have yet been discovered.
Hundreds of bodies may have to be moved so new school buildings can be built on the City Bunhill Disused Burial Ground.
An Islington Council public notice published yesterday (Thursday), states. “It is necessary to remove certain human remains and/or render certain graves.”
The council said removal methods approved by English Heritage mean there will be no public health risk from any excavation.
Peter Powell, chairman of Islington Archaeology and History Society, said: “It may well have been a plague pit because it is just outside the City walls.
“That’s the only real answer unless the remains were from a proper graveyard. Prior Weston, like many schools, has a church foundation.”
The Prior Weston site borders Bunhill Fields, one of the largest burial grounds in Europe. It is the final resting place for thousands of Quakers.
Prior Weston was built in the 1970s, but the records covering the site’s use before that have disappeared because they were held by the old London County Council, not the Town Hall.
Archaeologists believe the ground could contain the remains of monks and parishioners from a church on the site around 300 years ago. Bodies from the 1665 plague were routinely buried outside the city walls, making Whitecross Street a prime location.
The failure of the trial pits to discover bodies could mean they have already been removed, although there is no record of this.
Researchers believe the last of the Prior Weston bodies may have been buried 50 years ago.
If corpses are found in the next two months, the site will be disinfected and the bodies reburied “in fresh shells or other such containers” The remains will be taken “without undue delay”’ to East Finchley Crematorium for burial or cremation.
Anyone who believes a relative may be buried at Prior Weston is asked to contact the Department of Constitutional Affairs, Coroners’ Division.
Islington’s Lib Dem environment chief, Councillor Bridget Fox, said: “In a historical and densely populated borough like Islington, we foresee an archaeological aspect to large-scale planning applications. We have been praised by English Heritage for our sensitive and careful work in this area. Our use of their approved methods will ensure the clearing of the site is done safely and respectfully.”

Perhaps that accounts for the way I’ve turned out. I’m a plague baby! Sired in the midst of filthy corpses and well-meaning socialists! Unclean! Unclean!