Hoping to whet our appetites for sweary comics, Vertigo are offering free PDFs of their “Mature” comics. First issues of several titles are on offer, including Sandman, Hellblazer, The Invisibles and 100 Bullets. I’ve only read a couple of them so far, but having a full issue to evaluate is better than the usual 3-4 pages offered by the DC site.
Direct link: http://www.dccomics.com/news/?nw=6186
I’d gone out to get fags and was deciding whether I could justify the purchase of a caramel Dairy Milk when I heard the man by the till say:
“What, so I’m just supposed to pick it up off the floor?!”
I turned to see a tall guy in a crash helmet and motorcycle leathers glaring through his visor at the cashier.
“You’re supposed to put the change in my hand, not drop it!”
The cashier - a nice guy who I have amiable chats with now and again - smiled, shrugged and apologised. “Sorry, my friend. It’s a mistake, innit?”
“If you knew how to do your job properly, this wouldn’t have happened. Place the change in my hand, don’t just fling it! God!”
The biker stooped to pick up the 5p piece and spent ages putting his change back into his wallet. I stayed back. I didn’t want to get near him and pretended to be considering the relative merits of Toffos and Tooty-Frooties. Having gathered his change, the guy in the crash helmet needed something else to draw his ire, so pointed to the copy of The Morning Star alongside the other newspapers on the counter.
“That’s what’s wrong with this country - all the bloody communists! That’s why this country is in the state it’s in!”
Uh-oh. Biker man was was veering from irascible to insane and I half-expected him to pull out a shotgun and start killing all us ‘communists’. But settling for one last tirade against the innocent shopkeep, he headed out of the door.
I watched him cross the street. “What a dick,” I mumbled to myself and the shopkeeper shrugged his shoulders.
“He’s not right in the head.”
I glanced back at the biker, who was now crossing back over and back towards the shop.
Double uh-oh. Staff and customers had assembled to see what the biker was going to do next. I wondered what I would do if he started attacking the guy behind the till. I like the guy - he always calls me ‘boss’ - but was that grounds for jumping into harm’s way?
The biker stood in the doorway and pointed at the man behind the till. We all waited to see what he was going to say. I expected some promise of vengeance, a sacred vow that come hell or high water, the shop clerk would rue the day he ever served the motorcycle maniac.
“By the way,” the biker said, his voice raised in unimaginable fury, “it’s isn’t it, not innit. ISN’T. IT. Consider that your lesson for the day.”
And with that, he turned and left.
Having just got broadband, I’m currently going through a download mania and exploring all those groovy websites that people got excited about two years ago. Needless to say, one of them is YouTube which seems to be full of people talking about shit direct to camera. One of the few things I found which is actually worth sharing is Tony vs. Paul, which is a fight in stop motion. It reminded me of some of the experiments we used to do Up at the Big House, but better.
Review of Black Christmas for Film Exposed.
Direct link: http://www.filmexposed.com/?file=review&id=418
The life and times of a toilet inspector isn’t the most alluring premise for a film, but the Australian mockumentary Kenny is one of the best films I’ve seen this year. Central to its success is an amazing performance by Shane Jacobson, who co-wrote the film and embues the eponymous hero with a humanity that puts most Hollywood actors to shame. Subtlety isn’t the first thing you’d think of whn it comes to toilets (or, for that matter, Australia), but Kenny comes across as a real human being it’s easy to get engrossed in his story. It’s a truly human tale and one that becomes strangely touching as it progresses.
That’s not to say that there isn’t toilet humour aplenty. As a character, Kenny is realistic about what he does and there’s piss and poo a-plenty as we follow his daily work routine. His father and brother disapprove of his work and regard his ‘career’ with naked contempt, but Kenny refuses to apologise for what he does and sees no reason to change. He’s a piss-pot professional and deals with the nasty side of the business with good humour. Laughs come not only from the fruity language, but also from the situations Kenny finds himself in. Dashing across a racetrack to save a portaloo from vandals before the last race is over is just one of the situations, but most of the humour comes from Kenny’s language. Choice examples include “mad as a clown’s cock” and the description of a “smell that’s gonna out-last religion”. Typing these examples now makes them doesn’t really do justice to Kenny’s blithe delivery and you really need to see and hear them for yourself.
Unfortunately, those in the UK may never get to see Kenny, as there doesn’t appear to be any cinema release forthcoming. This is a real shame, as it shits on this year’s releases from a great height. Anyway, if you have any means of getting hold of it (*cough* bittorrent *cough*) then you really should check it out.
Links:
Official site (including trailer): www.kennythemovie.com
Imdb page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0822389/
While trawling the net for weirdness I came across the work of Apocalyptica, a four-piece cello orchestra who cover songs by Metallica, Pantera and other sweaty metal bands. Sounds like a dreadful idea, but it works rather well. Their version of Nothing Else Matters is quite gorgeous and comes highly recommended. Use the Google method for Apocalyptica and look toward the bottom of the first page of search results.
(I don’t want to post a direct link for fear that Lars Ulrich will come round and bash my head in with his drumsticks. I know it’s only a cover version, but still - why run the risk?)
Or, you know, you could actually buy a CD. Just ask at your local crazy-batshit music retailer.
I wish I could be more erudite than that, but it’s 7.34 in the morning and that’s my only waking thought. Damn you Douglas Coupland. You’ve made me feel ashamed for ever liking your novels.
Review of Spanish con flick Swindled posted on Film Exposed.
Direct link: http://www.filmexposed.com/?file=dvd&id=322
